I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
