In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
