Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
