false alarm. still invincible.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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