she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
