I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
