i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
