Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
