y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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