There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
