so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
