Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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