Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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