Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
