he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
