was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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