i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
