honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
