I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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