He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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