I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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