Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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