I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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