Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
