Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?