I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?