Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.