How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.