i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight