theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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