I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
