Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
4 words: hood of his car
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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