Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize