I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize