you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
