My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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