Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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