The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
