god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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