took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
