We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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