Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
