First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
