i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize