i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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