my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
