It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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