all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
