I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
