there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
