He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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