i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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