Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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