Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
