Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
