Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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