My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
