he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You made out with two different species that night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
