i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
