he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
