Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize